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  Lexa glanced at her watch an hour later, dismayed by how late it was. She and Sam had talked with a group of volunteers for over an hour following the bonfire devotions. When she suggested they talk in the morning, he made it clear he wanted a little private time with her.

  “Your message tonight was a very good one.” Sam looked especially tired. Josh mentioned how hard Sam had been working on the houses. He’d also met with most of the homeowners to discuss more particulars of the construction. Lexa reached for his hand, pleased when he squeezed and held on tight as they walked toward their special tree.

  “Thanks. I thought it was time for a personal challenge. It’s the midway point, and often the time when some of the volunteers start to slump. I need to try and keep their spirits and morale positive.”

  “Well, I trust you’ll tell me if I start to slump.” Lexa smiled up at him and noted the circles beneath his eyes.

  “May it never happen.” He’d dropped her hand to rub his eyes, and Sam reached for her again now. It was amazing how easily they both reached out for the other. “From what I can tell, you’re learning and growing by leaps and bounds. Some of the questions you’ve asked at the bonfires and the Sunday morning studies floor me. Your insights are unique, Lexa, and you’re helping the other volunteers see new ways to interpret scripture. I think you’re also teaching them about their own faith.”

  Sam moved his arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer. “I know you’re teaching me a lot.”

  “Surely you’re not talking about being . . . stagnant.” Lexa found it difficult to believe she could teach anyone about the Christian faith since she was newly discovering it for herself.

  He stifled a yawn. “I’m sorry.” He gave her a sheepish grin. “Some of us have been Christians for so long, we think we know most of what there is to learn. I think that’s part of what God teaches us. We need to always be teachable, willing to see what new lessons He has for us. It should be a lifelong process.” He chuckled. “You, Miss Clarke, certainly keep me on my toes. You keep me sharp. I certainly need that. We all do.”

  “In my case, it’s certainly not iron sharpening iron.” Lexa shook her head. “There’s so much to learn, Sam. It’s overwhelming, to be honest.”

  He stopped walking. He tilted her chin, his thumb lightly caressing it. “Don’t ever sell yourself short, Lexa. You have so much to share. So much to give. You’ve opened your mind to all the possibilities of the Lord.” His eyes softened. “It’s a great thing to witness firsthand.”

  Swallowing hard, Lexa headed toward the tree, tugging him along behind her. She loved Sam’s humility in including himself when talking about his volunteers. “One of these days, I’ll get you to skip, cowboy.”

  “Not anytime soon, beautiful girl.” He grinned and dropped to the ground, patting the spot next to him. When she sat down, Sam nestled her close. “You are beautiful,” he murmured, his eyes bright in the moonlight.

  “Why, thank you.” Lexa gave him a shy smile.

  “And you’re getting better,” he teased.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “You accepted the compliment graciously, without too much embarrassment.”

  “Oh, my cheeks are red. You just can’t tell because it’s dark.”

  “Very beautiful, in fact.” It was a sweet compliment from an even lovelier man. Such contentment she’d never experienced except maybe with her mother and grandmother all those years ago. Her dad never sheltered and protected her the way Sam already did.

  “I’m sure you’re wondering what I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “The thought crossed my mind.”

  Sam looked away for a moment, gathering his thoughts. Lexa waited, knowing that whatever he had to tell her was important and close to his heart. It was obvious she was becoming important to him or he wouldn’t tell her. Several minutes passed without either speaking.

  “Sam, you’re scaring me just a little bit.”

  “Sorry.” He drew in a deep breath. “I was engaged a few years ago.”

  Lexa waited as he paused again. She wasn’t about to admit Rebekah told her about Shelby.

  “Her name was Shelby Hanson, and she was a close friend of Rebekah’s. But she was killed three summers ago.” He motioned with one hand. “Here, on the dirt road outside the camp.” His brows were drawn, and he hung his head as he drew in the dirt with one finger. “The reason I’m telling you this is because you’ve come to mean a great deal to me. I wasn’t looking for anyone else, and to be honest, I didn’t think I’d find anyone for a long time. If ever.”

  He hesitated, and she looked up, meeting his gaze. When Sam laid a gentle hand on the side of her face, Lexa turned into its gentle curve. “I’m so very sorry, Sam.” She leaned her head on his shoulder, and moved her hand to rest above his heart. The sound, the feel, of his strong, steady heartbeat filled her in a moment of breathtaking intimacy. She waited for him to speak, to open his heart to her a little more. Sam’s arms encircled her in the way she adored, and he rested his head against hers.

  “Because of Shelby, I knew I could love a woman unselfishly. It was a learning, growing experience. But I did a lot of things wrong. She was older than Rebekah, but still very young. We were both too young in a lot of respects.” His voice sounded far away.

  “I didn’t imagine for one minute you haven’t had your share of girlfriends.”

  She could feel his smile as he tucked aside her braid and kissed her temple. His lips were warm and tender.

  “That’s another story for another time. I know enough to see a diamond in the rough, so to speak, right in front of my eyes.”

  Lexa turned back around to face him again. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

  Sam laughed. “All I mean is, you have your rough edges, just as I have mine. But polish you up, and man, do you shine. Do you ever.”

  “That’s truly one of the more . . . unusual . . . and precious compliments I’ve ever heard.”

  “Then you must not have dated much yourself. Personally, I think the one about how beautiful you are should rank right up there with the best.”

  Lexa covered his hand with hers and smiled into his eyes. “Thank you for telling me about Shelby. I know she meant a great deal to you.”

  “She did.” Sam stared at the ground. “It took me a long time to get over it, to get over what happened.” He released a deep sigh. “But I need to tell you more about it. It’s time.”

  “There’s more?” Her pulse raced and she struggled to sit up straighter.

  “We argued the night she died. Shelby was mad at me, and it was a horrible fight. Generally, she was pretty even-keeled, but she had a temper. I found out late in the work camp how . . . volatile and emotional she could be. She stormed away from me in the middle of our fight, and asked another volunteer to take her somewhere. Shelby wanted to escape the camp, wanted to get as far away from me as possible.” Sam’s voice faded to a whisper and Lexa strained to hear his words.

  “Why did you argue?” Maybe it was an unfair question, but Lexa suddenly had a burning need to know. Plus, she wanted to steer the conversation away from a morbid recounting of the events of that night. It wouldn’t serve any good purpose for either one of them now.

  “Shelby was having an affair.” Sam’s voice was so low, she almost couldn’t hear.

  “A what?” Lexa choked on the question.

  “You heard me.”

  “You mean . . .” Lexa couldn’t even finish the sentence. Not that the idea of someone having an affair was something she’d never heard of before. To the contrary. But the thought that Shelby could betray this incredible man was too much to grasp, especially since she was blessed enough to be engaged to him. It was impossible to comprehend. Either Rebekah was unaware of this part of the story, or it was an intentional omission. If that was the case, Lexa knew Rebekah must have her reasons. That wasn’t important now.

  “Yes, I mean a physical affair. I honestly don’t know
how emotionally involved she was with the other man, but they were good friends. But, please don’t think for one minute that Shelby and I had an intimate, physical relationship.”

  “No, of course not.” Lexa sat motionless, numb with an overwhelming sadness.

  “As it was, we’d only been engaged a few days when she was killed.” Sam shook his head and raked a hand through his hair. “It all happened so fast. Sometimes it still seems unbelievable. Learning about the affair tore me up and made me question my faith, but only for about a week or two. It didn’t take long to understand what happened was simply the old sin nature rearing its ugly head. Shelby was awfully young, after all.”

  Lexa nodded, but she felt her heart breaking for the pain Sam endured because of a woman’s betrayal, no matter how young or beautiful Shelby was. It didn’t excuse a horrible betrayal like that, and she ached with compassion for Sam.

  He sat with his hands resting on his propped knees and stared down at the ground before finally looking back up at her. “The hardest part to accept is that the other man with whom Shelby had the affair is right here at this camp as we speak. I see him every day, and it’s a reminder of Shelby and all that was lost.” He traced another circle in the dirt. “In a lot of ways, it’s made it more difficult to get past the memories.”

  The surprises were coming from all directions now. “Sam, I don’t know what to say.” The silence between them grew even longer. “Does this man know you’re aware of his affair with Shelby?”

  “I don’t know, to tell you the truth. If he is, it’s not because it came from me.”

  Lexa stared at him. “He’s one of your TeamWork volunteers, and you never even talked with him about it?” Incredulity laced her tone.

  Sam lowered his head into his hands, and they sat in silence for a few minutes before he spoke again. “I don’t know what to say. Shelby’s gone. To a great extent, I feel responsible for her death. First, she stormed off because of our fight. And then she died.” Sam’s shoulders slumped even further.

  “The whole situation has eaten me up inside for the better part of three years. He loved her, too, and he’s a hard worker who gave into physical temptation. It happens. He’s been a good friend to me in all other respects, and I simply can’t bring myself to hate him. I know you might think that sounds crazy, and I know that’s not how the world operates, but it’s my way.”

  Sam reached for her again. Settling her into the curve of his arms, he needed her support and comfort, not questions or disbelief. “Trust me, I’ve gone over it in my head a lot, and the guilt has eased somewhat. The Holy Spirit’s still working on me, and I’m learning I can’t feel responsible for Shelby’s death. He allowed it to happen for whatever reason, and I have to get on with the business of living.” He kissed the top of her head. “After all, there’s a lot to live for in the here and now.”

  They sat together again for several long minutes. “I’m sorry to hit you with all this at once.” Sam’s hold on her tightened. “I feel so close to you, and I thought you should know.”

  Lexa sat dazed, shaken. In spite of what he’d said, she had a hard time accepting his reasoning. Was any man that forgiving? “It must be so unbelievably hard for you, having this other man constantly around. How can you do it?”

  Sam shook his head and stared up at the night sky. “If Christ died to forgive my sins, how can I not forgive this man? Of course, it hasn’t been easy. I’m human. I was furious, livid, mad with rage when I first found out.”

  Lexa wondered how he found about the affair. “So, you confronted Shelby about her affair? The night she was killed when the truck hit them?”

  Sam nodded and then looked over at her quickly, his face pale even in the darkness.

  “You knew?”

  The words were quiet, brimming with anguish. Lexa couldn’t speak. Her breathing slowed and caught in her throat.

  When she nodded without speaking, her head down, afraid to look him in the eye, Sam demanded, his voice insistent. “Who told you? Did he tell you? Did he?”

  Lexa stared at him, not understanding his change of mood and sudden anger. “No, but someone who loves you did.” Because Rebekah knows how much I care for you. She knows I love you! But she couldn’t say the words aloud.

  Sam rose to his feet, his fists clenched. The muscles in his cheeks flexed wildly, the set to his jaw firm and unyielding.

  “They didn’t want to tell me,” she protested, struggling to her feet, reaching for his hands. Sam turned away from her touch. He looked stunned, his face contorted with disbelief. Betrayal. A deep feeling of dread washed over Lexa, threatening to drain the very breath from her lungs. “I practically ordered them to tell me because of my own selfishness, my own morbid curiosity. They wanted me to talk with you about Shelby, but I was the one who insisted on knowing. Please don’t be mad, Sam.”

  Sam stared at Lexa long and hard, as though he didn’t know her at all.

  “You’re not having an affair with him, too, are you, Lexa?”

  With that one question, Sam wiped out their closeness, their friendship, and especially Lexa’s trust. That was it. He managed to destroy everything she thought they’d established together. Something wonderful, passionate and lasting. She was wrong.

  Sam Lewis was no different. He was just like every other man.

  Standing, Lexa trembled with rage. Fists clenched, she glared at him, willing herself to say something, anything. She couldn’t even begin to verbalize what she was feeling. Maybe it was better not to say anything until she calmed down. Until they both calmed down. And that might take a very long time. If ever.

  Turning, Lexa fled into the night, her heart breaking with each stride of her long legs as she realized this time, Sam Lewis wasn’t coming after her. Not now, and quite possibly never again.

  That dreaded word. Never.

  Father, help me! With tears streaming down her cheeks, Lexa stormed over in the direction of the worksite, not caring if that old armadillo waited for her there. He’d be better company than anyone else right now. Not knowing where else to go, she needed time to think, time to be alone.

  She broke into a run and didn’t look back.

  Oh, Lord, why did you bring me here? Why did you bring me here?

  Chapter 25

  He’d made a terrible, maybe even unforgivable, mistake. Once again, he’d hurt her. The look on Lexa’s face would be forever imprinted in his mind. She looked more hurt than angry, but unbearably so. Sam berated himself, asking himself over and over how he could have asked her that horrible, accusatory question that sent her running off into the night. Away from him. Away from his heart.

  He couldn’t explain it, even to himself. An overwhelming jealousy clouded his judgment. His words were rash, unfounded. It must have been Beck who told Lexa about Shelby. It was only natural it might have come up at some point since Beck was friendly with Lexa. What was the harm, really?

  Poor Rebekah. She had no idea Shelby had betrayed him, had betrayed her in a way, too. How could he tell dear, sweet Beck that his fiancée—and her best friend—betrayed them both with Beck’s own twin brother? No, he couldn’t do that to her. As much as he loved Rebekah Grant, it would need to be Josh who told her.

  Then came the matter of trust. Lexa told him he was the strongest Christian man she knew. And look how he’d blown his testimony. He’d shattered her faith and trust by his thoughtless, stupid accusation. Sam didn’t like the word stupid, but he could think of no better term for this particular situation. His words had been unfounded, pointless, without provocation. They slipped out from somewhere not of the Lord. In the long run, telling someone like Lexa the devil made me do it wouldn’t wash with her.

  Not knowing what else to do, Sam followed the path he knew best—he prayed and meditated on scriptures. He talked to himself, doubled his efforts at the worksite, ate only when he remembered and was gruff and short with anyone who dared to ask him a question. Sleep was elusive most nights, but when exhaustion f
inally overcame him, it was a blessing.

  So, what could he say or do to make things right? Teasing banter and romantic overtures couldn’t make up for what his thoughtless tongue had destroyed. As he recalled the verse of scripture about the tongue being a double-edged sword, it made Sam want to weep. A desperate man, he fell to his knees in the end and prayed. And continued to pray that somehow the Lord would show him the way to forgiveness—from himself and from Lexa. Sam prayed she’d understand his words that night were rash and reckless, motivated by nothing more than a hurting heart.

  Sam loved Lexa. Loved her with a depth of emotion and passion he’d never felt for Shelby. Lexa was strong, intelligent, witty. He loved her sense of humor. She was insightful and determined. She had strength of character. She’d captured his mind as well as his heart. Sam wanted to protect her and take care of her forever. Wanted her beside him as he stumbled his way through life. She made him a better man and kept him straight.

  But now, every time she caught him looking at her, Lexa turned away with such a look of hurt that it tore him up inside. Her father hurt her by never opening up to her in an emotional way, and now he’d hurt her by acting like he didn’t trust her. It was almost too much. It made Sam hate himself a little. But the deep, abiding emotion of love is stronger than hate.

  Please help me, Father. Help me find the way back to Lexa before it’s too late for us.

  ~~**~~

  Lexa felt numb, as if she was simply going through the motions. Sam tried to talk with her several times, but she made sure never to be in a position where she was alone. She came late to lunch and dinner and left early, and either skipped the bonfire devotionals or left before the prayer ended. She wasn’t proud of her behavior, but avoiding Sam was the only way she could stay in the TeamWork camp and continue working. Otherwise, she would have left the very night he accused her of having an affair with the same person as Shelby.

  She might have packed her bags and called for a taxi that night. But even in the midst of his anger, Sam sent Kevin Moore out to the worksite in the station wagon to find her and bring her back to the camp. Always the leader, always the protector, Sam made sure she was safe.