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  When Julia finally moved her gaze to his, her eyes were wet. “Did Dylan tell you our dad is a retired cop?”

  “Yes. Dylan told me he got shot in the line of duty after twenty years on the force.”

  “Right.” She continued her work. “The injury ended his career, but he never regretted being a cop. My mom didn’t regret being a cop’s wife, either.” Julia looked back up at him. “I know how firefighters—like cops—can erect that hard shell around their emotions. How they sometimes can’t watch the news after an incident because it’ll put faces on the victims. That makes it too personal, too painful.” Her sigh was heavy and deep. “I also believe you’re hand-picked by God, and He equips you with what you need.”

  Jake nodded, touched more than he could say. “As much as anyone can, nurses share that driving passion to help others.”

  Something powerful but indefinable surged between them. He needed to change the subject and lighten the mood quick, or he’d pull her into his arms and hold on tight. “I’m also a daredevil, an adrenaline junkie. When I’m not recovering from an injury, that is. I can be pretty bullheaded, and I don’t appreciate being told I can’t do something.” He chuckled. “That last one made school a bit difficult, and it’s a challenge to any self-respecting firefighter.”

  Julia’s infectious smile reappeared. “I can testify Dylan’s been like that his entire life. I don’t know many guys willing to risk their lives by charging into a burning building. You’ve also got to be crazy or unbelievably brave. I’d say the latter.”

  “It’s a little of both, I think.”

  She resumed her work. “What else?”

  Why was she asking him all this? No way could she suspect he was developing feelings for her, wishing for a relationship they could never have. Julia was intelligent, sensitive, and he enjoyed exchanging thoughts and ideas with her. Taking the pan from the counter, Jake started to dry it. “I need a woman who wants to raise a dog with me, and hopefully she’ll appreciate my house as much as I do.” His eyes met hers. “We can love each other like crazy and raise a whole bunch of kids.” Based on her expression, maybe he’d gone too far with that one.

  Jake cleared his throat. “I need a woman who’ll be involved in our church, and we’ll tuck our kids into bed every night with prayers and a Bible story.” He allowed his gaze to slide from the top of her hair to her perfectly-sculpted nose and full lips. “And she definitely has to accept me with all my corny jokes and understand how I don’t always think before speaking.”

  She finished rinsing and handed another pan to him. “Maybe Nicole thinks she wants something else, but she’ll come around in time.”

  For some reason, it disgruntled him that she sounded like she might even be on Nicole’s side. This wasn’t a battle, and lines weren’t drawn. “So, your turn. Why don’t you tell me about your fiancé, and how you know he’s the right man for you?” Jake hoped his question didn’t come across like forced sincerity, even if it was. Listening to Julia talk about her dream guy would be torture, but he’d hear her out.

  She visibly stiffened. “About that, Jake. I need to tell you—”

  “Jake!” The panic in Angie’s voice was unmistakable from the other room. “Come quick!”

  Startled, they looked at each other. Tossing the dishtowel on the counter, Jake hurried toward the main room as fast as he could—still not up to full speed—with Julia close behind.

  14

  Jake rounded the corner into the church fellowship hall.

  “It’s Harry! He’s choking!” Angie’s eyes were wide with fear.

  “What did he eat?” Jake asked, headed toward Harry.

  A sheepish expression crossed the older woman’s face.

  “Tell me now, Angie.” Jake kept his voice steady but firm as he moved behind Harry where he leaned against the back wall. He was conscious but gasping for air. His lips were already tinged with blue, and he motioned to his mouth, his eyes wild.

  “He grabbed an extra chicken leg and was eating it on the way out.” Angie wrung her hands. “Oh, this is horrible. His doctor told him not to…”

  Jake went straight into Heimlich mode while Julia reassured Angie. He positioned his arms around Harry from behind and thrust upward against the older man’s stomach. The offending bone flew out of his mouth a few seconds later. Julia brought over a folding chair and helped settle Harry in it while Jake checked his vitals and performed a quick assessment.

  “Oh, my sweet husband,” Angie said, falling to her knees beside Harry, cradling his head and smoothing his thinning hair. “You’re going to be OK now, honey, thanks to Jake.” Angie peppered her husband’s face with kisses while tears streamed down her cheeks.

  Julia picked up the chicken bone with a paper towel and deposited it in a nearby trash can.

  “You two make a great team,” Angie said, dabbing at her tears.

  “Thanks to you both,” Harry rasped, reaching for Jake’s hand.

  ****

  “I’m thankful you were there tonight for Harry,” Julia said later. They sat in Jake’s truck outside Dylan and Hannah’s house. The television screen flashed through the living room window, otherwise the interior was dark. She’d wanted to make her confession to Jake tonight. After what happened with Harry, the timing didn’t seem right, the mood broken. Lord, was there a reason we were interrupted? Julia knew she needed to tell him, and tell him soon.

  “You, too.” His forehead was creased, and he seemed tired and preoccupied.

  Julia started to touch his face then thought better of it and dropped her hand. “What’s wrong, Jake?”

  “I feel guilty.” His voice was quiet.

  “About what?” If anything, she was the one consumed with guilt.

  “After what happened earlier today—with the seniors and Gertrude, the whole thing, I prayed something would happen to make me more of a hero to you.” When Jake’s eyes met hers, they were bright with emotion. “More of a man instead of some bumbling guy in a firefighter suit trying to play the part. And even though I know my prayer had nothing to do with Harry choking on that chicken bone, I still feel guilty.”

  Her heart swelled with tenderness. In some ways, this big, strong man was as vulnerable as that little boy he talked with the night of the Nativity play. “Do you know the first two verses of Psalm 62?”

  He nodded. “‘Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from Him; Truly He is my rock…’”

  “‘And my salvation; He is my fortress, I will never be shaken,’” she finished when his voice trailed. This time she didn’t hesitate as she put one hand on the side of his face. Somehow it seemed more appropriate than holding his hand, although she felt the strong urge to do that, too.

  “Thank you for the reminder.” Jake leaned his head on the seat and closed his eyes as she lowered her hand. “It puts it all in perspective, doesn’t it?”

  “You’re a hero in ways you probably don’t even know. I’ll tell you a secret.”

  He opened his eyes. They were such an incredible chocolate brown and matched his gorgeous, thick mane of hair. “I’m listening.”

  “Tyler adores you, as you probably know, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he wants to be a firefighter. But Andrew says he wants to be able to fix things the way you do. He’s very good with his hands, and he can build and draw the most amazing creations.” She grinned. “My brother has many talents, but Hannah threatens him when he picks up a hammer. When you fixed that plastic horse at Regency Hall, Andrew couldn’t stop talking about how you saved the day.”

  “That’s hardly saving the day.” He blew out a deep sigh.

  “To a little six-year-old boy it was. I’m sure you’re also a hero to the family whose dog you saved. Which family was that, by the way?”

  “The Butlers. They’ve moved in with her parents in Colorado until their house can be rebuilt.”

  “So they’re moving back here?”

  “Yes.” He shrugged. “What can I say? Once you l
ive in Starlight, you never want to leave. It has its own unique charm.”

  She smiled. “I can see that.”

  Jake opened his mouth to speak then fell silent for a long moment. “Thank you for telling me about Andrew. I could use an assistant for the toys, and there’s still a few left to be refurbished before Christmas.”

  “He’d love it, and so would Hannah. She’s getting very anxious for this baby. Walk me to the door?” When he glanced her way, Julia knew. She’d seen that look a few times in her life, but she never wanted to see it as much as she did now from this wonderful man. He wants to kiss me. She’d love nothing more, but now wasn’t the time. Not yet. Jake was also a man of honor. And he thinks I’m taken.

  ****

  Jake opened the truck’s door and offered his hand as Julia slid down from the seat. Her right foot landed awkwardly, and he moved his arms around her waist in a heartbeat, steadying her. She felt good in his arms. The perfect height. What are you thinking? Walk her to the door and say good night. The concept seemed so simple in theory, but his emotions were jumbled. He couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that she was leaving Starlight in less than forty-eight hours.

  Julia pulled out of his embrace but didn’t appear flustered or in a hurry. “Thank you. It’s so beautiful out here, isn’t it?” she asked a minute later, inhaling a deep breath. They moved slowly up the front walkway, the snow crunching beneath their boots. Wood burning in a stove somewhere nearby filled the air. She lifted her head, tilting it to one side. “Do you hear that? Carolers in the distance. I think they’re singing ‘Away in a Manger.’ It’s one of my favorite Christmas hymns.”

  All Jake could focus on was her hair, her profile, her luminous skin. Promise or not, he should take her in his arms and plant a kiss on her for the ages. But no. First of all, he’d made that promise to the Lord. Second of all, Julia belonged with another man. Besides, if he acted on his impulse, it’d probably turn out to be a disaster. All his pent-up emotions—not to mention yearnings—would topple them both, and he’d slobber over her like Bailey did on him all the time. For all he knew, he wouldn’t even do it right. That would be the ultimate humiliation.

  “Earth to Jake?” Julia laughed and waved her hand. “May I ask a question?”

  She’d reached the front door, but he’d halted in the middle of the walkway, caught up in his daydreaming. Since she’d come to town, he’d done more than his share of it. He rocked on his heels, stopping when he realized he was acting like a ten-year-old. “Shoot.”

  “What were you like as a kid? Something the town gossips might not know.”

  Turning, he scooped up a snowball and with careful aim, threw it so that it skimmed her right earlobe.

  Julia put her hand up to the side of her face. “Wow.”

  “I was aiming for the earlobe, you know. I didn’t think you’d appreciate being hit full-on in the face.”

  She laughed. “Always the gentleman. In any case, I’m impressed.”

  “Told you I’d retaliate.” Jake took a few steps so that only a few inches separated them.

  Her eyes widened, but she stood her ground. “That you did. But, considering you were the quarterback, I figured you had pretty decent aim. Tell me something else.”

  Julia seemed to like hearing about him. He wanted to hear more about her, but didn’t feel comfortable asking since it would only make him want to spend even more time in her company. “It’s kind of cold out here.” He shifted from one foot to the other and pushed his hands deep into his pockets. “Don’t you want to go inside?” Not that he wanted to depart her company, but he was beginning to wonder if he could trust himself with her. Her eyes, those lips, her voice…

  Julia’s eyes locked with his. “Is it cold? I hadn’t noticed.”

  That comment started his heart pumping overtime. Say something quick. “I take it you want to know something else about my wayward past.” Tearing his gaze away from hers, Jake focused on his boots, wet with snow. If she kept looking at him like that, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. Although he’d learned the difference between wants and needs a long time ago, it didn’t make it any easier standing so close to Julia Sinclair now.

  She giggled. “I don’t believe for a minute that you were a juvenile delinquent.”

  He grinned and ran his glove-covered hand over his jaw while he tried to think of what to say. “OK, here you go. You asked for it. I didn’t catch on with reading in school and was stuck in the brown bird group—the lowest level—for a few months before it finally clicked. I hid under the finger-painting table a couple of times in first grade to hold hands with Kristin Picasso. I hit my one-and-only grand slam in fifth grade, and our Little League team went to the state finals, but we didn’t win. I cried for a couple of days, but it was a good lesson that you don’t always get what you want.” He took a deep breath, thinking of the irony of that statement.

  Keep going. “My mom never let us kids drink anything other than water, milk, or juice until I was about ten, but I sneaked in some pop here and there, stubborn rebel that I was. My grandmother on Mom’s side taught me to knit, but I stunk at it and kept getting everything all knotted up—maybe on purpose.” He raised a brow, noting her amusement. “Should I go on?”

  She shook her head but appeared a little dazed. “I think that’s enough for now. To be continued another time. I take it Kristin is Ben’s daughter?”

  “His youngest, yes. He has seven kids, five of them daughters.”

  “Really? That’s a surprise.”

  Jake laughed. “Could be one reason he’s so crotchety.”

  She mock pouted. “Are you saying girls are trouble?”

  “Never.” That wasn’t the entire truth, but he couldn’t spoil the moment.

  “Where’s Kristin now?”

  “Married in California with a whole bunch of kids.” He chuckled. “All boys.”

  Her slow smile was quite possibly the loveliest sight he’d ever seen, and he’d witnessed a lot of the grandeur in God’s creation. “Care to guess what I want to do now?” Her lips were only an inch away. You shouldn’t have said it. Back away. Remember your promise. Don’t do it.

  Julia moved closer. She couldn’t have a clue as to the warring emotions inside him. Again, he reminded himself that he’d made a promise to the Lord, and she was promised to another man. “Julia, I—”

  She put one hand on his chest and stepped back. “Jake, I need to tell you something.” When she looked up at him, Julia’s eyes filled with tears of…regret? Sadness? Unhappiness? He wasn’t the only one struggling with some kind of inner turmoil. What’s going on? His heart sank. Perhaps it was best not to know.

  “Hello there, youngsters!” Dylan flung the front door open wide and glanced from him to Julia and back. They both jumped, and he wasn’t sure whether to be annoyed or grateful for Dylan’s interruption.

  “Thanks for bringing her home, buddy.” Dylan raised his arms high in the air accompanied by an exaggerated yawn. “It’s been a long day, don’t you think? Time to say good night, Jules.” His voice sounded more fatherly than brotherly.

  Those mesmerizing eyes lifted to his. “Thanks for bringing me home, Jake. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  He nodded. “Good night, Julia. Are you helping out at Ed’s Christmas tree farm tomorrow?”

  “We sure are,” Dylan answered as Julia moved past him and into the house. “We’ll see you there, bright and early. Sweet dreams. Say hi to Bailey for me.”

  Headed back to his truck, Jake raised his face to the night sky, inhaling deeply and blowing it out. As he climbed inside the cab, he heard the carolers singing “Silent Night.”

  “Lord, please give me strength.” Starting the engine, he drove off without looking back. As he often did while driving, he launched into a prayer, eyes wide open. I’m glad You’re in charge, Lord, because I don’t understand what’s happening with Julia. OK, that’s a lie. I know what’s happening, but it can’t happen. “It can’t,” he murmured.
His heart sank even lower.

  Bailey was going to get a whopping earful tonight.

  15

  Jake always enjoyed helping customers at the tree farm. Dylan and his two boys worked alongside him while Julia helped the ladies serve food and refreshments to the workers. Talking with the townspeople who’d come to pick out a tree, he kept one eye on her. He overheard Dylan introduce her around, but wasn’t surprised most already knew her. Seemed she’d spent her time in Starlight helping several groups with something or other. The winks and knowing glances sent their way didn’t help his cause of trying to keep his distance. Determined to be the best friend he could be for Julia, Jake focused on keeping their conversations light. He only stumbled over his words a couple of times. Being with Julia felt more than comfortable. It felt right. And that’s what made it so wrong. Maybe. It was confusing.

  Julia scolded him when he tried to lift something he shouldn’t, and he called her bossy. Jake discovered she hated chartreuse and burnt rust-colored metallic cars, pistachio anything, and couldn’t pass college astronomy after two attempts. In turn, he told her lovely things about himself like how he couldn’t eat peanut butter and kale together without getting sick. Or how a bad pass in football once knocked him out cold for over twenty minutes.

  At the end of the day, Julia gave Jake a hug, her eyes bright and full of emotion. “I promise we’ll talk when I come back to Starlight.” With her arms around him, he closed his eyes and held her longer than he should, reluctant to release her. He wanted to know what she needed to tell him but couldn’t gather the courage to ask. Julia left with Dylan, and Jake drove himself home to Bailey. Life was the way it should be. So why did it seem empty?